Life...again

I have one thought, really, how can people be so two-faced. I feel that for the most part I am honest to everyone. If I don't like you I won't go out of my way to be nice to you. If I like you, I'll let you know. I don't understand how people can blatantly hate someone when they aren't there and then be their best friend when they come back around. I think that is almost the lowest thing you could possibly do. Those people don't realize that your actually being a huge bitch to them behind their backs calling them names. I think it is terrible. I'm all about the little white lies so people don't become self conscious, but don't like blatantly about something, it is only going to make things worse in the long run.

I guess it has just occurred recently where I have witnessed people acting this way and it bothers me a lot. I don't talk about people behind their back just to get juicy gossip to tell them about later. I think it is low. If I talk to someone about something I expect it to stay fairly confidential and not get back to the other person. Don't go along with me complaining and agree with what I saw just to turn on me two days later.

Lifes too short to live to cause drama. Drama is unnecessary. Grow up and realize we are no longer in the seventh grade. Thank you.

Texts From Last Night

I felt like I should share some of my favorites because people might get tired of seeing them on their facebook wall.

(818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

(314): Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?

(845): what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?

(250): do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
(1-250): tequila

Those three were right in a row. I think this clearly showcases the quality of texts that have been sent across America in the past few hours.

(650): im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt

Have you seen I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here? If you haven't thank God. It is the most awful reality television show out there. Its like a horrible cross of American Idol, Surreal Life, and Survivor. There are live voting, tribal council like meetings, and its all celebrities. Spencer Pratt on an episode earlier this week decided to tell America that he was the most famous person in America if not the world. REALLY? Because I am pretty sure I had never seen his face before this. He is famous for being on another reality tv show, does that really constitute fame? Because in my book it doesn't.

(843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

Apparently Mad Dog is good for themed parties. Pirates, bums. I don't recommend it while dressed as a bum. Taylor Swift might come to the party, you might throw up, and you might dump water all over your alarm, just saying.

(646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

This reminded me of my Panera experience, but maybe not quite as traumatic. I was sitting in Panera in the back section minding my own business facebook creeping per usual when this couple came and sat down a couple booths away from me. As I was sitting there I was entertained with conversations varying from faith and God, to sex and the pleasure that you get from it, to sexual abuse, adoption, sisters, raising families, marriage, work. It was crazyyy awkward just sitting there listening to this African guy go on about how going to heaven will be a better feeling than sex. WEIRD.

Basically any walk of shame related text makes me laugh. Not from personal experience or anything, but because it happens every Saturday and Sunday morning from Notre Dame to SMC and I love it.

(337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

(404): It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
(1-404): No one shows this much boob at breakfast

(917): SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.

(517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

This one especially made me laugh in liu of Randell Terry and his croonies being at ND to protest Obama.

(312): I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk

Then there are the ones from good old 574:

(574): I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.

(574): I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?

(574): Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.

Wanted

A blue-eyed architecht willing to build me a five sided library underneath a lake of Malibu Rum that is attached to five reasonably sized houses.

The summer, so far two weeks in...seems far better than I thought it was going to turn out. My summer classes aren't horrible if you can get over the grizzly bear-scarf-YMCA interpretive dance stuff that we do. Listening to Elvis in class is a pretty decent way to spend the summer if you ask me. Then, best of all, my cousin is coming into town this weekend. I can't wait!! She is three years younger than me but as I told Ally earlier this week, she skipped the awkward early teen years and went from 12 to 17 in like a year. She is pretty awesome :)

But let me continue with the reason that I am blogging today, besides the fact that I have an another twenty minutes before my last class. It has to do with the idea of "pregnant pauses". My American Popular Music professor brings new meaning to these pauses. I don't think that they can even be properly classified as "pregnant" they are more like nine-months-ready-to pop-huge pauses. The guy will seriously pause, no exaggeration, for five seconds between sentences. If he is moving onto a different topic he will pause for nearly twenty seconds. What is even more uncomfortable about the situation is that he also enjoys making eye contact with one of the four students in the classroom. I am constantly either staring at his ridiculously long dreds or the power outlet to avoid this weird confrontation. Whenever I give a comment or point on something I am constantly backtracking because he will just nod and stare at you until finally you have retracted almost your complete statement and he will say something like, "good!" "ah, yes" You almost have to say something exactly like what he has formed in his mind for him to only take a three second pause before saying, "exactly!" and then rush to the bored and lethargicly write what you said down.

Moral of the story: Although pausing is good and everyone shouldn't talk like me when I am excited...ten second pauses between words is TOO much.

I really just want a throw back to my elementary school days and Hanson. I was listening to this song today while contracting skin cancer, ie. laying out in Lemans Circle. We all know how much of a cry baby I am so lets just say that I cried when I listened to the song. I think today I needed a hug from a friend and this song just reassured me. I hope you remember it :)


When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You wont have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you dont know how or why, but youve lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin
I will hear your spirit callin
And I swear Ill be there come what may


cause even if we cant be together
Well be friends now and forever
And I swear that Ill be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You wont have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone wholl always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin
And you need the strength to keep tryin
Ill reach out and take your hand

Post Secret

I feel that now is as good of a time as never to share with you my love for postsecret. Every Sunday I look at it religiously. I was just looking at the ones that I have saved...because I do save them to my computer and I thought about the evolution of myself this past year. The postsecrets that I have saved, I feel show how much I have changed from the beginning of the year. The ones that I have saved have evolved. I just found that really interesting. And of course, as the year winds down I am only reminded of my dad and how much I wish he were here right now to experience or listen to what has been going on with my life. Sometimes I wonder, would he really be proud of me? Then I tell myself, of course he would. Look at you! You are in college, in the most amazing maching band in the world, and you still have yet to fail a college course. You are doing some amazing things right now. I just need to keep reminding myself of this. Of course, my dad would always be proud of me, no matter what.

Pictures

I came across a picture today of my mom and dad. Looking at it, my mom looks like she is about to cry. I wondered to myself, did my parents know that this picture would potentially be the last picture of the two of them together?Just looking at it breaks my heart. I remember that night. Did he know that just a month later I would ask him to leave my house? That I would never talk to him again. That I would tell him I didn't care if I never saw his face again?

Wait For Me

Darling, did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
And darling, did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
'Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait

Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
" Til death do us part"
I mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness, and a second chance
So wait for me, darling wait for me
Wait for me
Darling wait for me

--Rebecca St. James

I don't really know what I want to say about this post except can I expect something that I can't properly give? It tears me up on the inside. Will he understand? Will he know how much I wish I could take it back? Will he still love me the same?