(818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
(314): Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
(845): what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
(250): do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
(1-250): tequila
Those three were right in a row. I think this clearly showcases the quality of texts that have been sent across America in the past few hours.
(650): im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you seen I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here? If you haven't thank God. It is the most awful reality television show out there. Its like a horrible cross of American Idol, Surreal Life, and Survivor. There are live voting, tribal council like meetings, and its all celebrities. Spencer Pratt on an episode earlier this week decided to tell America that he was the most famous person in America if not the world. REALLY? Because I am pretty sure I had never seen his face before this. He is famous for being on another reality tv show, does that really constitute fame? Because in my book it doesn't.
(843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently Mad Dog is good for themed parties. Pirates, bums. I don't recommend it while dressed as a bum. Taylor Swift might come to the party, you might throw up, and you might dump water all over your alarm, just saying.
(646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This reminded me of my Panera experience, but maybe not quite as traumatic. I was sitting in Panera in the back section minding my own business facebook creeping per usual when this couple came and sat down a couple booths away from me. As I was sitting there I was entertained with conversations varying from faith and God, to sex and the pleasure that you get from it, to sexual abuse, adoption, sisters, raising families, marriage, work. It was crazyyy awkward just sitting there listening to this African guy go on about how going to heaven will be a better feeling than sex. WEIRD.
Basically any walk of shame related text makes me laugh. Not from personal experience or anything, but because it happens every Saturday and Sunday morning from Notre Dame to SMC and I love it.
(337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
(404): It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
(1-404): No one shows this much boob at breakfast
(917): SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
(517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This one especially made me laugh in liu of Randell Terry and his croonies being at ND to protest Obama.
(312): I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Then there are the ones from good old 574:
(574): I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
(574): I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
(574): Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
(574): Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
