I have finished my first semester as a college student. I don't know if I could call it successful, but it is done. I have finally figured out the "time management" thing that people have always told me about and as surprising as it may be, facebook doesn't facilitate in successful time management. I know, it was a surprise to me too. I have one final next week and a paper due. I think I should do fairly well. I am kind of excited for them. Next semester can only go better, I am convinced. I think I will be taking far more interesting classes and my profs should be slightly more interesting than this semester, or at least I hope so.
Looking back now I realize that college is amazing, at least the weekend part of it. It is also amazing to get to be with some of my best friends. I have made so many friends in these few short weeks its incredible. I think the most amazing part about college is the fact that I am just down the hall from my friends or just a couple buildings away. Its really nice to just take a quick study break and leave my room for a few minutes. I always knew that the social aspect of college was a plus but I didn't realize how much I would miss it during Christmas break let alone summer break. Its crazy.
College, as of now, is pretty much just as amazing as everyone said it was going to be. I can't wait to see what next semester has in store for me.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Christmas
I LOVE CHRISTMAS.
not because of the gifts, not because of the food, but because I get to see my relatives. I can't wait!!!! I get to see everyone that I love and not to mention during Christmas everyone is so much nicer and happier. I love it!!!
not because of the gifts, not because of the food, but because I get to see my relatives. I can't wait!!!! I get to see everyone that I love and not to mention during Christmas everyone is so much nicer and happier. I love it!!!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Maturity (pronounced mat-chur-it-ee)
I realized today that I have changed a lot since I first started college. I don't know if I necessarily matured or if my personality changed or what happened, but I know that I have changed. I don't think it was a bad change, but I know that it wasn't necessarily for the better, either. Looking back at just the beginning of the school year I realize that there are things that I would never do now that I did then. Maybe the change that I am seeing is that I have gained wisdom and insight to that of a college student's life.
I am still soft spoken when it comes to strangers, but now I am not afraid to talk to them after a while. I can now easily strike up a conversation and make "useless" small talk with people if necessary. I think that I am not as timid as I used to be. I am more willing to put more of myself out in return for more of others. I think, maybe, I have realized that this is my one chance in life to meet someone, make a complete fool of myself, and then never see that person again.
(okay in my case avoid the person for the rest of my life, but those are only technicalities)
I think that I like the person that I am today better than I liked the person I was, even yesterday. I think that I am more of an adult than I was just a few short months ago. I think that I have a better understanding of money, of politics, and of people.
I think this revelation couldn't have come at a better time. In the slumps of winter I have this one thing to look forward to, myself. I can only wait to see the person I will become next year. I can only wait and see how I will change from freshman to sophomore. It should be interesting to watch.
I am still soft spoken when it comes to strangers, but now I am not afraid to talk to them after a while. I can now easily strike up a conversation and make "useless" small talk with people if necessary. I think that I am not as timid as I used to be. I am more willing to put more of myself out in return for more of others. I think, maybe, I have realized that this is my one chance in life to meet someone, make a complete fool of myself, and then never see that person again.
(okay in my case avoid the person for the rest of my life, but those are only technicalities)
I think that I like the person that I am today better than I liked the person I was, even yesterday. I think that I am more of an adult than I was just a few short months ago. I think that I have a better understanding of money, of politics, and of people.
I think this revelation couldn't have come at a better time. In the slumps of winter I have this one thing to look forward to, myself. I can only wait to see the person I will become next year. I can only wait and see how I will change from freshman to sophomore. It should be interesting to watch.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
College
I may not fail college after all. I know, a surprise to many considering I thought I was doing God awful, but I'm not! Yea!!
Next semester should be interesting. I am taking 18 credit hours. And I will stick with them all semester and I will get an A in at least one of my classes. I am determined.
I will also ace my sociology exam. I will. I must.
I feel a lot more up beat than a I did just a few weeks ago. I went through a major slump. Now I just need to try and stay out of it.
Next semester should be interesting. I am taking 18 credit hours. And I will stick with them all semester and I will get an A in at least one of my classes. I am determined.
I will also ace my sociology exam. I will. I must.
I feel a lot more up beat than a I did just a few weeks ago. I went through a major slump. Now I just need to try and stay out of it.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sixteen
1. I fear that I have no firm opinions to make and that I am easily persuaded.
2. I want to take back my first kiss and have one that is amazing with someone that I like a lot.
3. I often fear that I will never get married.
4. Sometimes I forget that my dad is dead when I look at the pictures next to my desk under my loft. I often look at them and then think of things that I want to tell my dad about when I next see him or things that I want him to cook for me when I come home.
5. The only reason why I stay in band is because I feel that I can control how good I am at it. All I need to do is show up on time and attempt to march and I get immense awards because of it.
6. I once stole my cousins lip gloss and when she saw me using it I just told her we must have had the same one (I was nine)
7. When I show up too early to something I often times will drive around the neighborhood to kill time.
8. I read Postsecret every Sunday and I usually end up crying and saving a postcard or two on my computer.
9. I always want people to like me. I go to crazy lengths to make sure they do. When someone doesn't like me I cry and wonder what I did wrong.
10. Although I am a loud person I like to listen to the tv at an almost inaudible level
11. Most of the time when I cry it is not because I am sad it is because I am frustrated and don't know what to say
12. I wish I could take better pictures
13. I wish that I followed up with more things and that I was more timely in responding to letters
14. I often fear the future and wonder if teaching is what I really want to do for the rest of my life and if I will even make it out of college
15.I sometimes wish that I could just sleep and sleep and everything around me would figure itself out on its own
16. I wish that I could make everyone understand that death isn't as terrible as people make it out to be. Most of the time the people that have died were suffering and they are probably better off no matter where they go.
Reasons I picked you.....
....there are reasons.
2. I want to take back my first kiss and have one that is amazing with someone that I like a lot.
3. I often fear that I will never get married.
4. Sometimes I forget that my dad is dead when I look at the pictures next to my desk under my loft. I often look at them and then think of things that I want to tell my dad about when I next see him or things that I want him to cook for me when I come home.
5. The only reason why I stay in band is because I feel that I can control how good I am at it. All I need to do is show up on time and attempt to march and I get immense awards because of it.
6. I once stole my cousins lip gloss and when she saw me using it I just told her we must have had the same one (I was nine)
7. When I show up too early to something I often times will drive around the neighborhood to kill time.
8. I read Postsecret every Sunday and I usually end up crying and saving a postcard or two on my computer.
9. I always want people to like me. I go to crazy lengths to make sure they do. When someone doesn't like me I cry and wonder what I did wrong.
10. Although I am a loud person I like to listen to the tv at an almost inaudible level
11. Most of the time when I cry it is not because I am sad it is because I am frustrated and don't know what to say
12. I wish I could take better pictures
13. I wish that I followed up with more things and that I was more timely in responding to letters
14. I often fear the future and wonder if teaching is what I really want to do for the rest of my life and if I will even make it out of college
15.I sometimes wish that I could just sleep and sleep and everything around me would figure itself out on its own
16. I wish that I could make everyone understand that death isn't as terrible as people make it out to be. Most of the time the people that have died were suffering and they are probably better off no matter where they go.
Reasons I picked you.....
....there are reasons.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
November 2006
I guess this is just my week for apologies. I had a falling out with one of my roommates this week. Although this is a sucky reason for my mean-ness I want to link it to the fact that I want everything to go back to before November of 2006. It seems to me that things were a lot better then.
In November of 2006 I saw my dad alive for the last time. I remember it, too. He came to the house to pick up the last of his things and he was in the garage. I was thirsty so I went out there to grab a bottle of water and him and my mom were talking on the steps in our garage. I remember avoiding eye contact. I also remember the look in his eyes, I remember the will that was in his eyes. I know that he wanted me to acknowledge him, but I didn't. I just went about my business.
Following that November I talked to my dad just a handful of times. I remember one phone call where I yelled at him. I am pretty sure I told him that I never wanted to see him again. I remember him not talking back. I remember his breathing being hard. I remember him not being able to talk back because he was too weak to. I also remember me not caring. I remembering still yelling at him and yelling. I was probably screaming.
I remember the last time he called. It was a Friday night. I was getting ready to go talk to my mom and the phone rang. I answered it and I remembering being really short with my dad. He told me that my aunt Pam was going to take him to the doctor that Monday and they were going to see what was wrong with him. I remember him telling me that he loves me and I remember me telling him "whatever". That was the last thing I ever said to my dad, because he died that Monday.
Right now I wish that I had my best friend here to talk to. I wish that it was like in November when I could call her at all hours of the night and talk (between 10 and 11 of course). When I would see her before school would start and I would tell her about my night. I want her here with me now. She could give me advice that I would clearly not follow :) but she would be there for me to vent.
In November of 2006 I saw my dad alive for the last time. I remember it, too. He came to the house to pick up the last of his things and he was in the garage. I was thirsty so I went out there to grab a bottle of water and him and my mom were talking on the steps in our garage. I remember avoiding eye contact. I also remember the look in his eyes, I remember the will that was in his eyes. I know that he wanted me to acknowledge him, but I didn't. I just went about my business.
Following that November I talked to my dad just a handful of times. I remember one phone call where I yelled at him. I am pretty sure I told him that I never wanted to see him again. I remember him not talking back. I remember his breathing being hard. I remember him not being able to talk back because he was too weak to. I also remember me not caring. I remembering still yelling at him and yelling. I was probably screaming.
I remember the last time he called. It was a Friday night. I was getting ready to go talk to my mom and the phone rang. I answered it and I remembering being really short with my dad. He told me that my aunt Pam was going to take him to the doctor that Monday and they were going to see what was wrong with him. I remember him telling me that he loves me and I remember me telling him "whatever". That was the last thing I ever said to my dad, because he died that Monday.
Right now I wish that I had my best friend here to talk to. I wish that it was like in November when I could call her at all hours of the night and talk (between 10 and 11 of course). When I would see her before school would start and I would tell her about my night. I want her here with me now. She could give me advice that I would clearly not follow :) but she would be there for me to vent.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Not So Public, Public Apology
So this past weekend was interesting to say the least. Let me give you a play by play followed by my heartfelt apology.
I went to my friends dorm to get ready. It was successful. In my totally unbiased opinion we looked amazing. Towards the end of our primping session we went to her friends dorm and pre-gamed. We then went to my friend's date's dorm and pre-gamed it up some more. After leaving his dorm I was a successfully happy drunk. We finally got to our section's dance and another friend ushered me downstairs to partake in more "fun". After a while we went back upstairs and I met my date for the night, yup, thats right, I got set up, it can only lead to fun... The rest of the night is kind of blurry...I remember going back downstairs, using the restroom, having someone land on my leg, and then the most unpleasant feeling of toungue in my mouth courtesy of my date.
This is where my apology comes into play:
I am so sorry for everyone that witnessed me on friday night. I never ever wanted to get that way and personally girls that make out with their dates while dancing disgust me to the upmost extent. I can't stand it when I go out and see that let alone me doing it. I really want to just tell them to get a room. I know that this is a terrible excuse but I couldn't control what was going on. Contrary to what you may have seen I really didn't want it to go on. What I remember of the night I tried to stop whatever it was he was doing. I would also like you to know that I am the most awkward person when it comes to dates. I pretty much dislike dancing a ton. I can't dance and I NEVER dance with guys. I always find it extremly awkward. Anyways I am SO sorry for what I did and I NEVER EVER plan on letting that happen ever again.
I went to my friends dorm to get ready. It was successful. In my totally unbiased opinion we looked amazing. Towards the end of our primping session we went to her friends dorm and pre-gamed. We then went to my friend's date's dorm and pre-gamed it up some more. After leaving his dorm I was a successfully happy drunk. We finally got to our section's dance and another friend ushered me downstairs to partake in more "fun". After a while we went back upstairs and I met my date for the night, yup, thats right, I got set up, it can only lead to fun... The rest of the night is kind of blurry...I remember going back downstairs, using the restroom, having someone land on my leg, and then the most unpleasant feeling of toungue in my mouth courtesy of my date.
This is where my apology comes into play:
I am so sorry for everyone that witnessed me on friday night. I never ever wanted to get that way and personally girls that make out with their dates while dancing disgust me to the upmost extent. I can't stand it when I go out and see that let alone me doing it. I really want to just tell them to get a room. I know that this is a terrible excuse but I couldn't control what was going on. Contrary to what you may have seen I really didn't want it to go on. What I remember of the night I tried to stop whatever it was he was doing. I would also like you to know that I am the most awkward person when it comes to dates. I pretty much dislike dancing a ton. I can't dance and I NEVER dance with guys. I always find it extremly awkward. Anyways I am SO sorry for what I did and I NEVER EVER plan on letting that happen ever again.
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